i wonder...

~Can you breathe through your nose and mouth at the same time?
~Why is it, that the sun darkens the colour of your skin, but lightens the color of your hair?
~If swimming is such exercise, why are whales fat?
~If a word is spelled wrong in the dictionary, how would you know?
~If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
~Do octopuses have arms or legs?
~Who was the first person to see a cow, and think what would happen if I pulled those dangling bits and drink the liquid that comes out?
~If a cat always lands on its feet and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
~Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
~Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
~Do cows have calf muscles?
~Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
~Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
~Why doesn't superglue stick to the inside of the tube?
~Are Zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?
~If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
~Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
~Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
~Why are boxing rings square?
~Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
~Where does the white go when the snow melts?
~How do the "Keep off the grass" signs get there?
~Why do men have nipples?
~If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
~Why did Superman wear his underpants on the outside of his tights?
~Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
~If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
~If it is a 50mph wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
~If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
~Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
~If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone can't hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
~Do cows drink milk?
~If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st –January 1st, which year would you say you were born in?
~Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people with smaller eyes?
~If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money?
~What would happen if everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
~Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
~Why is it you're 'in' a film, but you're 'on TV'?
~Do ducks sneeze?
~What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
~Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?
~Why are there dents in a golf ball?
~Which way does a compass point in space?
~Can bald men get lice?
~What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?
~If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
~Can someone give up lent for lent?
~What did cured ham actually have?
~Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
~Can you write in pencil on an eraser?
~Can crop circles be square?
~If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
~Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too?
~Do stairs go up or down?
~If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
~Can you get cornered in a round room?
~Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
~If heat rises then shouldn't hell be cold?
~Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
~Why is a square meal served on round plates?
~Why are shampoo suds always white, regardless of the colour of the shampoo?
~If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown?
~If it is zero degrees outside today and tomorrow it is supposed to be twice as cold, how cold will it be tomorrow?
~How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
~If someone told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?
~Aren't all rooms room temperature?
~If you are driving at near the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what will you see?
~Where do they get the seeds to grow seedless grapes?
~Why is ice clear but snow white?
~What do bald men wash their head with- soap or shampoo?
~If something goes without saying, then why say it?

wasted saturday

so, it's saturday...after last weekend, i'm glad to spend it at home doing NOTHING!!! maybe i'll even recuperate a little, yay!!

what does wasting a saturday entail??? in reality, it entails a pretty busy sunday, but i'll think about that tomorrow :)

slept in til around 9...woohoo!!! then got up and watched a couple of episodes of friends with the pups while the hubby and bro played some random macho-blow up-bloody video game. had some left over cake for breakfast...i like to keep the meals nutritional when we have the little bro over!! laid around watching movies and eating completely unhealthy snacks for a couple of hours. almost put up some laundry, but ended up just moving them into the laundry basket so the love seat was cleared :) the pups will be having french fries for dinner too...they love me!!

wasted saturdays are definitely wasted, and it makes me think of all the things i could be doing. like....i need to go to the grocery store...not gonna happen!! we could go to the barnyard (massive flea market that i spend a phenomenal amount of money at...mostly on fresh veggies and pretty flowers)...not gonna happen!! we could go to the mall and spend a slightly less amount of money...not gonna happen!! i could do some laundry so i don't have to smush it all into sunday...not gonna happen!! why?? because then the saturday wouldn't be wasted, it'd be somewhat efficient...and if you're gonna waste a saturday, mind as well do it right :)

the inevitable fact is that, as adults, we don't get to sit in jammies and watch tv all day every saturday. so, on the saturdays when that's possible, you embrace it. we will need to go outside at some point today, but just for sunlight...not because we have something to do or anywhere to go...

plus, my own research shows that a wasted saturday, used sparingly, makes for a refreshing week :)

so...i'll worry about the laundry and the groceries tomorrow...it'll get done...during efficient sunday!!!

family reunion faux pas'

so, we make our way over to chilly minnesota for the hubby's family reunion...the one we found out about 2 weeks ago.

we fly out friday night at 8...or so we thought...

we get to the airport in augusta and wait patiently in line for the longest time that we have ever had to wait on anything at the airport in augusta. we start to eavesdrop...because something's up. apparently, the air conditioner is broke on our plane, which is still in charlotte, and we will not be making our connecting flight in charlotte to minneapolis. great...

the lady behind the desks calls us up and automatically begins to tap on her computer to see what she can do...remember that we are supposed to be flying in friday night and leaving sunday morning, so the smallest delay is a huge delay compared the the available time.

instead of flying to charlotte and straight to minneapolis, we fly to charlotte and spend the night...then fly to philadelphia...then fly to minneapolis. so, we fly in 12 hours late...what's better is we cancelled the rental car before we knew about the delay only to have to call alamo and re-reserve the car...BUT, we get a first-class ticket from philadelphia to minneapolis...SCORE!!

me and the hubby are excited about the 'adventure' prospects of this delay. as we're high-fiving in the terminal of the augusta airport...we look around and notice that everyone else in the terminal looks royally pissed off. so we decide to put the excitement on the down-low.

we get into charlotte and go to another guy to get a hotel voucher...at this point we're tired and not so much into the adventurous spirit anymore. the hotel looks ok enough...until you lie down. rock hard bed with chance of cloudy pillows...UGH...no sleep for friday night...

back at the airport at 6am saturday...we make the plane to philadelphia and to some touristy shopping on the way from where we got off the plane and where we needed to get back on the plane. we made the first-class flight and had some 9am cocktails...which still didn't help either one of us get any sleep on the plane.

we get to minneapolis and head to the alamo counter. the guy types in our confirmation number and asks for an identification and credit card. the only credit card that the hubby and i carry are visa 'debit' cards...apparently this is not a major credit card. not a problem, the guy only needs our itinerary...a decent request if we were in a decent mood...but we were running on fumes and didn't have an itinerary because it had been messed up so many times and we were about to jump over the counter...its really hard to think on no sleep. so, i have the itinerary saved on my phone to keep the confirmation number for the flights and ask the guy where i can print it off at...the guy's like 'i can just see it on your phone'...thank goodness...

3 hours later, we are at the family reunion...where everything that anyone talks about is how confused our trip got...we lived it, i don't want to talk about it...over and over. i try to make sure that paul has the most time possible with his family and has a great time. i do whatever little event that i'm signed up for. one of those is a 3-legged race...which has left me with a huge bruise that goes up and down and around my leg...because the hubby is a bit competitive...

we want to go out with some of paulie's fave cousins...so we start scheming because the 'rents are not gonna like this. they come to tell us they're gonna leave and we should go with them to pump gas into the rental...the cuz stands up and states that we were all asked to stay and help clean, so we have to stay a little longer...so paul's mom says 'so start cleaning'...great, here we go.

the 'rents leave and we head out following the cousins to a restaurant about 1.5 hours away on the way back home...we stop and have a drink and dinner and stay and talk for a little longer than expected...the hilarious thing is that me (27) and the hubby (30) are trying to think of excuses to tell the 'rents for being home late...haha

we finally get to bed in a stuffy room with a loud window unit...and i have a huge bruise on my leg and have lost my voice somewhere along the road...no sleep for saturday night...

so we wake up cheery to make out 7am flight...nothing eventful on the way home...still no sleep...

we get home...hallelujah!! so nice to sleep :)

::owner of a lonely heart::

So, the hubby does computer work. More accurate, the husband works on EVERYTHING all the time...

The husband was a soldier when I met him. Basically 8-5 with weekends off...no real reason to work after hours or on the weekend...even an abundance of observed holidays.

The husband became formally educated in technology...get a piece of paper to 'able' him to do what he already does. He likes it, and he's good at it. He's also really good with people.

The husband gets a job in POS (point of sale)...fixing computers that the waiters and sales clerks use to sell stuff...the job brings the benefit of also employing classmates of the husband's... fun times...

The wife HATES the job...shady people...shady practices...shady costumers...TERRIBLE hours. Basically, a POS guy works whenever the POS has a problem...24/7 on call. Besides the shadiness, the husband loves the job.

Eventually, the husband gets a better job with a small medical company doing all tech work including POS for the diet center...until the economy crashed...so did the better job...

So...the husband begins enjoying the fruits of unemployment...while the wife becomes jealous that the husband wakes up in the same boxers he's sporting when she gets home...yet somehow, his clothes are everywhere even though there is no evidence he had moved from the couch...

The wife has amazing friends...who have, at this point, supplied opportunities for both of our jobs...

The wife receives a message from a friend stating that her husband's company is hiring a tech guy...the pay sucks...the opportunity is worth it...

The husband gets in on a ground floor opportunity as manager of...yep...POS. But, the wife thinks...he loves it, he's good at it, and it's a local company...at least the on call will be local...

So, tonight, the wife sits typing in her blog alone at home with the pups...the husband is at a not-so-local restaurant fixing a system that has been pretty much broke for the last 2 weeks...grrreat...

wendy's taters :)

so, i usually avoid wendy's at all cost for several reasons. the biggest reason is that my dad was accused of bringing in his own onions once when i was a teenager.

listen to this: my dad orders a burger without onions...dad gets a burger with onions...he takes the burger back up to the counter and explains that he ordered the burger without onions and displayed the correctly ordered ticket...guy behind counter 'remakes' burger...burger still has onions...dad takes the burger back to the counter explaining that he didn't want onions on the burger and asked for a manager (this was the third time he had to order the same burger)...the guy behind the counter told the manager that he had just remade the burger with no onions, dad must have put the onions on the burger himself...what???

after this incident, i decided that i didn't want people that confused preparing my food.

but, we were on the way home from the park last night and stopped at a gas station to pick up some water. as soon as we stepped out of the car, we could smell the awesomeness that was coming from the wendy's attached to the gas station. i'm like 'you wanna eat here'...he's like 'maybe a small burger'...i'm like 'ok'.

i don't engage in the consumption of animals that share my air...but paul does. there is no fish sandwich at wendy's...another reason there is no reason for me to go to wendy's. cause if i'm gonna get fries, i'm going to mcdonalds. but anyhoo...

paul has no inkling of my vegetarianism...and it never bothers me when he eats meat...with the exception of lamb, apparently. he gets his burger.

soooo, i ordered a sour cream and chives potato. i started laughing at myself and gathered that attention of the lady behind the counter and paul. i explained that it's funny because i just bough potatoes from the grocery store but had forgotten sour cream...so i order it as an entree instead of stopping by the grocery store and getting sour cream and going home and baking my own potatoes.

long story short...the lady behind the counter not only was able to understand the story, but empathize with it...very impressive. she gave us extra sour cream in the bag because of my little story :)

of course i agree with sex...ed

okay, so the first job i had out of college was a sex ed teacher. the appropriate term was abstinence education instructor. i actually really liked this job. it was through a holier-than-thou company in charleston and i worked in the school system that i grew up in. i disagreed with some of the information given just because it was arbitrary. i spent that first year as an abstinence education instructor in shock. i was amazed at how many of my girls (6th through 9th grade) were misinformed about pretty serious stuff. they learned things from friends, older siblings, bathroom walls...some had never had a conversation about sex. i even had girls whose parents had put them on birth control who knew nothing other than 'i can't get pregnant or catch anything because i'm on the pill'...what?? so, i totally agree with sex education...for every little girl whose parents don't step up to the plate and have the 'talk' with her. but what's in the news now is NOT sex ed...it's friggin' kama sutra class. how does anyone justify teaching sexual positions to a third grader...what's the point? at third grade, maybe we should work more at biology, self-respect, and respect for others to start introducing sex ed. no child needs to be taught the different 'angles of penetration'...they need to be taught about the risks (both physical and emotional). i definitely believe that kids need to be taught more than abstinence, because if you only teach abstinence you're not fulfilling your responsibility to the kid...but 'kid' refers to high school 'kid'. they're all gonna wanna do it as soon as they 'fall in love' anyways...as adults, we shouldn't be pushing it. how would this kind of early 'sex/position ed' have changed your childhood? better? worse? at all? in our world, we have to find the boundary between protecting innocence and preparing for adulthood...i just don't think that transition should be done at third grade.

most annoying music vid on the net...don't let paul see this!!

cross country conundrum

My family is from right here, Paul's is all in Minnesota. I often feel guilty that he does not see his family as often as I'm able to see mine. We go to Minnesota once a year, sometimes he goes more. But, it's damn expensive to get to Minnesota. We are lucky that his parents have the ability to help us get from one end to the other. We go every Thanksgiving. Paul went home in January because his big bro got married. Thanksgiving with the Schwarz's; EVERYONE getting together and eating/drinking to the brim, then a Thanksgiving bowl where everyone continues to drink...fine family fun!! We did miss Thanksgiving one year because we were in DisneyWorld. I would have felt bad, but Paul had a blast and really wants to go back.

So, the Minnesota Schwarz's have a family reunion coming up...Paul says that everyone alive on Gma Schwarz's side will be there...coming in from all parts of the country...Thanksgiving times ten...this year its scheduled for July 24th...we find out about it TODAY!! WHAT??

Thanksgiving plane tickets are expensive, but they are always bought a month ahead of time with Dad Schwarz's credit card. How the poo are we supposed to swing on up there knowing a week before hand??

Here's how we start: reunion this weekend, wanna drive it?? about 960 miles, maybe 12-14 hours...

Until it's mapquested: more like 1400 miles, 21 hours...wanna fly it??

Until it's travelocitied: between $300-$400...each. not to mention fur babies to shack up!

Ok, well one of us can go...Paul obviously...

Until he thinks about how bored he was last time he went without me :)
...can we fly up and drive home??

I don't know...never rented a car before...what kinda money does that look like??

Paul's next text: 1400/80 is 17.5, and 1400n90 is 15.5

Do what??? Have I been looking at too many numbers in the midst of my persistent stomach bug, or does that make no sense?? Do car rental places have their own language/ monetary system?? Do we name our own price?? Is that mileage language??

I'm so confused...could we just ask Minnesota Schwarz's to postpone the reunion until next month when we've had a chance to review and decipher this new car rental language??

i heart brett michaels

ok, brett michaels is completely before my time. if not for paul, i would have no idea who he is or what he does/did. and if the only exposure i would have is 'rock of love', i wouldn't be impressed. but i got a smidge addicted to the celebrity apprentice last year...completely because of cindy lauper and the australian chef guy, not brett michaels. but he is completely funny and real. he was the most doen to earth person and was brutally honest about every aspect of his life. when he spoke about his daughters and family, he was very human. he was on the view yesterday talking about when he became sick with the cerebral bleed and hole in his heart. he sang a song from his new cd, which wasn't impressive. but what is impressive about brett michaels?? he has a reason to speak other than 'i made a couple of popular songs a decade ago'. he had gone through so much and has come out of it genuine. he seemed to only be attempting to get his name back in the headlines with the 'rock of love' and 'apprentice' and now with 'american idol'. but i like to see him on tv, because he will be speaking about his family or his experiences. he not forcing himself to find a cause to justify being on talk shows, his children are his cause to be on talk shows. i like him :)

2nd day of the bug

Today, I am home sick for the second day...sucks! Usually, I'm home for one day tops, but this is a persistent little bug. That also means the second day of crappy daytime tv. We got rid of satellite tv a year and a half ago in a 'we're responsible consumers' movement. So thanks to digital tv, we have like 10 channels. But, also thanks to digital tv, not all of those are the same quality. Some of the pictures are digi boxed and the sound is all screechy. We still have to adjust the digital box...I miss fuzzy sounds and snow. At least you could watch through the snow, the digibox pictures completely ruins the show...

...not like that's all that ruins the show. Who is the target consumer of daytime tv?? I'm usually not home during the day, when I am I'm in my office working. The morning news anchors try really hard, but are just as cheesy as their nighttime counterparts. I'm watching Steve Wilkos at the moment...let's look at the logistics for a moment. Who would have thought there would be a spin-off of the Springer show?? Really?? Steve reads emails after each show, yesterday someone asked if the people on the show were actors. Steve stated that he would hope noone would go on tv and lie about themselves...really?? If they didn't, you'd have no career, Mr. Steve. The people on this show don't sit in the chairs on the stage, they stand the whole time staggering back and forth ready to jump...yeah, every normal person acts like that.

Then there's the judge shows...good grief. Why does anyone ever volunteer to go on Judge Judy?? Why would you go on a show to find 'justice' when the host doesn't listen to anyone? Judy knows what her decision is before anyone even starts talking. She thinks everyone is dumber than her. I get it, she deals with a lot of idiots. That doesn't mean that you call everyone an idiot. She lectures on respect and being a decent human being, but she's the furthest thing from it. Who else is allowed to speak to people like that?? Worse than her are the people who CHOOSE to go on the show. Do these people ever watch the show?? I watched 2 poor 19 year old boys confide that they were in posession of medical marijuana, they had their prescriptions and everything. They got a lecture about doctors in California and the secret motives behind medical marijuana...they didn't prescribe it to themselves Lady Judy!! She makes terrible comments about families and tells very young parents how stupid they are for having kids...ummmm, it's done now!!! How about being constructive instead of destructive!!

Then, there's the complete opposite...Judge Hatchet. Who toots their own horn too much??? In the opening lines, she stated "I'm here to save your life". Who says that?? We all know that there exists certain careers in which the people do save your life...we all know people in those careers...how many of those people have we heard make that statement?? I've never heard anyone say that...besides Jesus. You don't hear soldiers, cops, firemen, teachers, parents, etc. make comments like that. Why does TV Judge Hatchet get to say that and everyone just plays along?? Gimme a break.

...I'm putting in a South Park dvd...

weekends with paul and pirates

Pros and Cons of the RenFest in town...

CONS: 1. Paul's gonna want to go
2. 3 hour drive
3. Visit from the locksmith fairy...inevitable
4. It's hot!
5. Crazy guy inside the gate explaining the difference between poo and mud
6. Lots o'money

PROS: 1. Paul will be happy...and owe me 1
2. PIRATES!!!
3. Crazy guy inside the gate explaining the difference between poo and mud
4. Honey beer :)
5. It's only once a year
6. Can't think of anything else...just trying to make the list even out...

summer sans beach = :(

I wanna go to the beach!!!!! What is summer time without beach time??? Crap, it's just crap! For the last 2 years, we haven't made it to the beach before August...and it looks like that's going to be this year too. That's not the worst part, the worst part is that it will only be for 3, 4 days top. I haven't spent a week at the beach since our honeymoon...5 years ago. I would love to go to the beach for more than a long weekend. Here's our dilemma; money, house sitter, money, plants, money, dogs, money, jobs, money. Ok, so how the heck did my parents manage to take us all on a week long vacation every year? Supposedly, we make more money than our parents did and we deifinitely have less kids :). We always went on a week long vacation during the summer. My husband and I have vacation time that goes unused and vacation funds that are apparently going somewhere else. We even have multiple Florida friends that we would love to spend time with. I have made a summertime resolution for next year...we will have the funds and time to go to the beach for a whole week. And not weekend Myrtle Beach; Florida here we come!! Yay, I'm excited for next summer vacation :)